I am frustrated. Frustrated that stress happens. Holidays happen. LIFE happens. But more than anything, I am super frustrated that I happen.. I am frustrated in the fact that I can't seem to get a grip on this whole, " Be healthy! " phase I *want* to go through. I am constantly justifying everything in my head as I'm eating something bad. (Oh, Tianna...you can eat that. You haven't had pasta in 2 days!! People will like you fat or skinny)
While I know that's true, that doesn't help me when I've got a plate of pasta in front of me. I can't keep on telling myself that its ok to have pasta "just this once" "Its ok if I've over stuffed myself..."So needless to say, I'm fed up with myself.
The past few days I've been looking into NutriSystem. While I know it costs about $300 a month, I think that's pretty reasonable. I don't grocery shop, which forces me to grab a "quick" bite somewhere else, which adds up to probably be about the same. So I'm looking to start that up pretty soon here as summer is pretty much just around the corner!!!! No more sweatshirts in 90 degree weather!!
A couple of other things that are frustrating me lately: The lack of sound going in my right ear. For about 5 days now, my right ear has been "plugged". It feels like I have water in it but I can't seem to get anything out. I got some ear ache drops last night at Target, but that hasn't done anything to my ear yet. I wish I had health insurance for times like this. What if its an ear infection and it just gets worse and worse and worse?
Another health insurance issue: I have a lump on the side of my right breast. Its been there for about 2 1/2 months now. I'm not too worried that its anything serious because when it gets real big, I can generally squeeze stuff out of it.....But whatever it is, I want it gone. Like, 2 1/2 months ago.
And not to mention the pelvic pains I get. Not to gross out any guys that may stumble across this blog, but in 2007, I got my period a total of 3 times. February, August, and December. I must admit though, it has been nice not getting it.
Perhaps everything physically wrong with me all steams down to this: Eating right. Getting physical. Drinking more water. If that's true, I'm game. I'll get the NutriSystem and I'll get on the treadmill!!! But please let everything work out for the better!!!
5 comments:
Ti, is there a free clinic or anything that you could get yourself to sometime, like YESTERDAY!? I'm so worried about you now!! Even a Planned Parenthood would work, right? I know there is one in downtown Waukesha, like blocks from where you live now. GET THEE TO A DOCTOR.
And I totally feel you on the, "I've been good, I deserve pasta," thing. It's SO hard... but not for everyone, which is the most frustrating part to me. Some people have, oh, I don't know... a normal relationship with food in which they don't have to constantly think about it.
Anyhoodle. Doctor. Now.
I agree with Lori. Go to the doctor NOW for these issues!! I am very concerned for you. Keep us posted.
As far as food, I find myself eating something bad for me at coffee break and then saying 'well I blew this day' and eat poorly the rest of the day. It is a constant battle but one you CAN win. Hang in there.
Linda B
Well, I've gone to Planned Parenthood about the pains. (I actually went two days ago) There isn't much they can do there. They basically said, " See a doctor. " I want to scream and tell them that I've seen a docotor SO many times about this. The pain has been going on since 2003 ...time to get something done about it!!
So I guess the next step is to see if I qualify for insurance at work. *crosses fingers* If I do, I'm signing up and immediatley going to the doctor.
Well, that is strange that you have the pelvic pains. I did too, for months. They kept diagnosing me as having a UTI, but all the tests came back negative. I went to the doctor about 10 times about that situation, they even gave me an ultra sound. Still nothing, blood in urine is not normal. I have been distracted from it a little, I had CIV 3 pre cancer of the cervix that I just had removed last week. I was told that would have nothing to do with my symptoms, so I might be lucky enough to have multiple promblems.
-Cousin Sara
Blood in urine? Eeek!!!! That's not right!!!
How long have you had your pelvic pains? I had an Ultra Sound done in 2006 and they found nothing. He just put me back on the Pill to see if that helped with everything. (I think he was thinking it was just cramps or something). I've been dealing with these pelvic pains for about 5 years now. SOMETHING is wrong. I just want answers.
I'm glad you got things removed and what not. I didn't know you were going through this. Perhaps our KK isn't so strong right now. We need to get that back up and running!!
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